Being Led

Writing is a creative activity. It’s also a theological act—an act of trust. In writing, I am being led to discover what I do not know. Writing itself invites me to trust that the ending may not be the one I expected, but such a surprising ending ought to be much better than I thought. “‘My thoughts are completely different from yours,’ says the Lord. ‘And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine.’” (Isa. 55:8) A moment ago, while I was waiting for the computer to be turned on, I opened up the book Seeds of Hope: A Henri Nouwen Reader. Edited by Robert Durback (New York: Image Books, 1997) on my desk and fortuitously turned to the page where it’s said On Writing. Nouwen wrote,

“Most students of theology think that writing means writing down ideas, insights, or visions. They feel that they first must have something to say before they can put it on paper. For them, writing is little more than recording a pre-existent thought. But with this approach, true writing is impossible. Writing is a process in which we discover what lives in us. The writing itself reveals to us what is alive in us. The deepest satisfaction of writing is precisely that it opens up new spaces within us of which we were not aware before we started to write. To write is to embark on a journey whose final destination we do not know. Thus, writing requires a real act of trust…Writing is like giving away the few loaves and fishes one has, trusting that they will multiply in the giving” (p. 79).

Hmmm….This is exactly what happened to me when I was a seminarian. Every time I needed to write a paper, I suffered from having nothing to write, for I wanted to have everything before I started. I didn’t see writing as a creative process. I saw it as a labor. Writing, for me, was equal to typing and writing down thoughts and ideas. Writing was dead.

Now writing is a pleasure. When I need to write a paper, I am less anxious now. I guess the reason behind it is that I don’t have to have all the ideas and insights before writing it. I discover as I write; I write to discover and develop. I am able to enjoy the process. I am learning to open up to new spaces where I can’t reach by my own arrangement and plan. Writing means letting go of my rigid agenda. Writing means being flexible in life. Writing means living in the Spirit who is like the wind (Jn. 3:8).