I don’t know when I started to realize that human relationship or friendship plays a significant role in personal growth or spiritual formation. Perhaps, at some point I realized that Christians usually focus attention on vertical relationship with God and neglect horizontal relationship with the body of Christ.
“But if we are living in the light of God’s presence, just as Christ is, then we have fellowship with each other…” (1 Jn. 1:7). In the presence of others, we are in the presence of God. In other words, we have fellowship with God while we’re having fellowship with our fellows. Thus, in the context of community, “if we say we have no sin, we are only fooling ourselves and refusing to accept the truth” (1 Jn. 1:8). Who can say that we are flawless in the body of Christ? I certainly can’t say that.
Our fellowship with each other directly reflects our fellowship with God. It’s as simple as that. John has no intention to theologize a mysterious relationship with God in which people are elated. Rather, John approaches it from a community perspective. “If anyone says, ‘I am living in the light,’ but hates a Christian brother or sister, that person is still living in darkness.” (1 Jn. 1:9; cf. 1:11). What a challenge!
I value friendship a lot more than before. It’s not that I didn’t value friendship before. Rather, I place friendship in the context of spiritual growth and formation. It nurtures maturity. It offers accountability. It exposes one’s darkness. It empowers, not manipulates, each other to live in a manner worthy of the gospel (Phil. 1:27). For me, in the context of trust and reciprocity, when we’re genuinely true to ourselves and others and faithfully do our parts in life, we foster mature personhood. “As each part does its own special work, it helps the other parts grow” (Eph. 4:16).
Proverbs 27:17—“As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.”
“It’s not the existence of the relationship alone that provides the context for formation, but also the challenges arising within them…This relational challenge can be visualized as a crucible, the container for a refining flame. The relational challenge itself is not the fire that transforms, but rather a holder for that fire. Within that holder we encounter anxiety, anger, sadness, questions, risk, shame, regret, chaos, and truth. We encounter ourselves and God and become aware of the impact—both for good and for harm—that others have on us and we on them.”[1]
When I read this paragraph, I am like, “This author (Carla) really understands the role of relationship/friendship in Christian formation.” Friendship itself doesn’t transform us. It’s the means for God to transform us through one another. It’s not the key, but it can’t be missing. It’s “a holder for that fire.” It’s not the fire itself. We can survive without relationship/friendship, but we won’t be healthy. I think that any form of Christian formation apart from koinonia (partnership, friendship, fellowship) is deviation from biblical growth. It’s far from what God delineates in the Bible.
[1] Jeannine K. Brown, Carla M. Dahl, and Wyndy C. Reuschling, Becoming Whole and Holy: An Integrative Conversation about Christian Formation (Grand Rapids: Baker, 2011), p. 19.
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