Pastoral Confusion and Identity

In The Pastor as Spiritual Guide (Nashville: Upper Room Books, 1998), Howard Rice wrote,

“The practice of the ordained ministry today is in considerable turmoil and confusion…There is confusion about what a pastor does; there is confusion about how a pastor is to perform ministry. The number of books published each year on the subject of professional ministry, its theology and practice, is a clue to the confusion and attendant interest in the subject. Pastors buy these books, searching for a professional identity that has eluded them. In earlier decades pastors may have felt secure in the knowledge of who they were and what was expected of them; my own observation tells me this is no longer the case” (p. 11).

Pastoral confusion is a common problem among pastors. It’s like a chronic disease. It’s eating up your life, but you don’t even know about it. It’s always there. It’s just a matter of whether we identify it or not. Pastoral confusion comes from the nature of pastoral work, which is solemn and trivial. Pastors are expected to be preachers, directors, leaders, social workers, administrators, etc…When Howard Rice mentions the word confusion a couple of times, I think of my own. I am confused not because of lacking self-confidence as a person. I am confused because I, sometimes, can’t answer a simple question, what do I actually do? Usually, I am sure. Quite oftentimes, I don’t. In my pastorate, sometimes I felt guilty when I ate with people alone. Was I just eating? Or actually working? I also felt guilty when I read at home. Was I reading for my work? Or I was enjoying my reading in leisure time?

John Piper reminds pastors that we are not professionals. I know that. But actually, who are we? Prophets? Priests? Servants? Leaders? I am telling you. Every pastor has identity crisis.

“Even the various agendas for pastors that on the surface appear spiritual are problematic: when added together they create a very complicated vocational identity. Some want their minister to be an extrovert who loves to hang out in the halls of the church with a gift for the chat. But others want an introvert who is not intimidated by spending long hours in the study preparing profound sermons. Some want us to be at ease around children, others in the nursing home. Some want to hear sermons that are all about the call to social justice; others just want to hear that they are God’s beloved. Some want a pastor who knows how to run a church, while others want a pastor who is good at empowering lay leaders (which often means running the church but giving the credit to lay leaders). No one but the pastor is worried about the inherent contradictions of these definitions of ministry” [M. Craig Barnes, The Pastor as Minor Poet: Texts and Subtexts in the Ministerial Life (Grand Rapids: Eerdmans, 2009), pp. 4-5.].

Before the public ministry of Jesus, God confirmed Jesus’ identity as the beloved Son. (Mk. 1:11) It’s this fundamental identity we pastors need to revisit and reclaim. God said, “You are my beloved Son.” It’s relational, not functional. A Father-Son relation is not about performance. I believe it’s about communion. Pastoral confusion invites us to look deeper into our lives: What roles do we play? Why do we embrace those roles? Do we forget our naked roles as God’s beloved?

“I hope you can somehow identify in yourself the temptation to self-rejection, whether it manifests itself in arrogance or in low self-esteem. Not seldom, self-rejection is simply seen as the neurotic expression of an insecure person. But neurosis is often the psychic manifestation of a much deeper human darkness: the darkness of not feeling truly welcome in human existence. Self-rejection is the greatest enemy of the spiritual life because it contradicts the sacred voice that calls us the ‘Beloved.’ Being the Beloved expresses the core truth of our existence” [Henri J. M. Nouwen, Life of the Beloved: Spiritual Living in a Secular World (New York: Crossroad, 1992), p. 33.].